So let me tell you something —-or some things.  Today’s blog sort of outlines how I’ve survived the weeks following that mid-January post.  The tone in that blog was a bit raw (maybe even dark to some) and the days following, I had several friends reach out to talk about it.  A few even told me that they felt like I was reading their mind or could totally relate.  One called me brave.  OK, I’m not gonna lie, that felt good.  And then almost simultaneously, one of my college friends and sorority sister wrote a strangely similar blog post.  It felt like it was too much to be a coincidence.  I reached out to Jen —-I’d love to catch up with her soon.  Anyhow, one thing I came back to me after hearing from everyone and sending that email to Jen, was that it felt good to hear from people and to have them say, “I hear ya,” or “it was cathartic.”  Their acknowledgment really mattered. Why?  Because we all need and want to be seen.

 Anyway, here’s what I’ve been up to…

Podcasts are my favorite.

I listen to a lot of podcasts.  It makes me feel more connected to the world and people since I work from home a lot.  So after my niece and I attended the Rachel Hollis documentary in early January, I decided to give the Rise Up podcast another try.  And lucky for me because her podcast that day, Episode 79: How to Find Your Calling, completely and totally resonated with me.  It was more of what I needed.  I immediately suggested it to my niece and one of my business associates —anyhow, if my last blog touched something in you, give it a listen.

Documentaries are my favorite.

Iris Apfel—-this is a woman completely comfortable in her own skin.  She radiates confidence and joy.  So refreshing. I’ve always known who Iris Apfel is—sort of —- mostly because of her iconic glasses, but I really didn’t know her know her.  She’s long been a fashion icon in New York and respected around the world of fashion and design.  I loved this documentary and cried when it was over.  Not because it was sad, but because it was over.  Seriously.  You probably won’t cry, but you’ll like it. I downloaded it on iTunes and I’m not sure if you can stream it anywhere else.

How do you say books-on-tape nowadays?

Busy Phillips.  Do you follow her on Instagram?  She’s an entertainer and actress and recently launched her own late night talk show on E!  She’s long been tortured by anxiety and depression too.  In her book, This Will Only Hurt A Little, Busy has a bold, sort-of humble, unapologetic, and raw way of talking about her life and battle with mental illness.  It’s not just a book about mental illness, she speaks truth to owning her story and her journey. Owning your story can be so liberating and powerful.  It’s like taking off your suit of armor. And your suit of armor is made up of all the things you pretend to be for others like your family and friends, and the world. You take it all off and stand there completely vulnerable and say, “Look at me now. This is me. The real me. And if you don’t like me this way, I’ll just have to be OK with that.” I downloaded this book from my local library via the Libby app on my iPhone.  Did you know you could download books from your local public library——-for free???  Yep.  It’s almost criminal.

Music.

This is my Spotify playlist that I’ve been shuffling on repeat.  My keen awareness of my rearing anxiety and depression has me blaring this when I’m in the shower, in the car, or whenever I’m home alone and my thoughts start going in the wrong direction.  Normally, I’m listening to a Tom Petty station on Spotify, but this playlist gets me out of my own head and I find myself singing out loud and dancing. There’s joy in that. Music and this playlist has helped much these past weeks.  Maybe some of the songs aren’t cool enough, but I don’t care if you judge me by my song selection.  Your judgement of me is none of my business. 

The Universe. She’s Listening.

Does the universe ever send you obvious messages? I’ve gotten a few good ones.  Like, phrases that I’ve said to myself or have written in my journal and then, once I’ve said/written it, the Universe lets me know that she was listening by repeating it back to me.  This happens to everyone, right?

For example, a few years ago I explained in my journal that I should always be working to be a better version of myself.  My best self today isn’t as good as it will be or could be tomorrow. I had said this very same thing many different ways before…we always should try to improve ourselves, to be better, to be kinder, to give more, to do more….but I used the word version and it sort of sunk in hard. The best version of me. I started using it more in conversations and in my prayers.  Then in 2017, I read the book The Road Back to You. It’s a great book if you want to learn more about the enneagram and the duty of self-awareness—-but in the pages of this book came a similar phrase.  Paraphrased, it was something like, “..studying the enneagram will help you find the best version of you.” Then again, and again. I heard it over and over —in church, in podcast episodes, and then in the Rise Up documentary.  Anyway, working to be the best version of myself has sort of become my mantra.  Thanks for listening Universe.  I see you too.

Honcation.

What’s a Honcation?  Well my group of girlfriends are called The Hons—you know like Bawlmer, Hon?  We were long ago crowned with this title from a dear friend.  He actually introduced us as the Dundalk Hons.  It’s a badge of honor really.  Anyhow, the name stuck and decades and 15 Little Hons later, we started with Hon Trips (or weekend getaways) and then Honcations (bigger more expensive getaways).  Now we mix it up and do both.  Now you know this already I’m sure, but girls trips (or boys trips) are food for your soul.  These girls.  These girls.  I can’t even find the right combination of words to tell you what they mean to me.  They’re genuine, real, raw, and like me, not perfect. They lift me up.  They make me laugh.  They make me feel important, wanted, and seen.  This trip filled me up.  It also didn’t hurt that we were escaping the polar vortex for 5 days in Jamaica, mon.  Seriously, when we landed back in Baltimore, I was for sure that we had arrived in Hell freezing over.

Binge Streaming, Anyone?

Russian Doll: “Sweet birthday baby!” —-I was (am) obsessed with this Netflix Original and watched every episode in less than a week.  The premise?  Imagine where the movie Ground Hog’s Day meets Stranger Things.  Natasha Lyonne’s character is brilliantly funny and dark and sparks my faith in humanity again.  My faith in humanity definitely needs sparking.  Watch it.  You’ll love it. And then, like me, you’ll be singing Harry Nilsson’s 1971 hit, Gotta Get Up on repeat in your head.  Russian Doll has a killer soundtrack for sure.

Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee:  Sure it’s staged and grossly edited but I love the simple genuineness of the episodes.  Plus I’m secretly in love with cars, like cars that are built to perform. Built for taking the long way and back roads home.  Jerry does a great job picking the cars for each episode.  Cars that I can only dream of driving in my lifetime.  What a great gig he has.  I put this on one Sunday and just let it go from episode to episode while I got small chores done around the house.  Sure, I was mostly on the couch in pain from my perimenapausal period, which arrived uninvited 4 days early, but I did manage to get a few things done.  Like—writing parts of this blog.

Goliath:  We’re late to the party on this one but I really like it.  It’s a Prime original and stars one of my favorites, Billy Bob Thornton.  He chooses his roles smartly in my opinion.  He’s sooo good.  The story line is compelling enough and it’s definitely worth a watch!  Just watch the first 2 minutes of the first episode, I bet you’ll be all in.  If you liked Erin Brochovich, you’ll enjoy this for sure.

Packaging Me.

I decided in the fall that I wanted to look for a regular job again.  I missed being part of a team and need the steady income and benefits.  Searching for a job has been super difficult especially when you’re busy working.  Submitting your resume and cover letter online is the biggest waste of time - EVER.  Especially if you’re looking for a mid-level or higher position.  At this point in my career, in order to be considered for a position higher than entry level, it has less to do with my resume and much much more to do with my network.  You’ve heard that before, right? I’ve known it to be true and more so now, for sure. The one job that I want most right now has come to me via my good friend Billie.  She passed my resume along to one of her clients.  It’s been a long process and the outcome looks good, but until that offer letter comes from HR, I’m not celebrating.  And if I’m not celebrating, it’s hard to not be stressed and worried.  I try to be rational about it, like, I can’t worry about what I can’t control.  So I put my energy into controlling what I can control.  So I continue my search and continue with the little bit of work that I do have.  I’ve also recently had the revelation that I’ve been doing subcontractor/freelance work for almost two years now and haven’t really packaged my own “business” beyond my resume.  This week I’ve started to create my own marketing materials.  Maybe this is what I was supposed to be doing all along?  If it is, I really wish the Universe or God would be more direct about it.  I could have had this done a long time ago, damnit.

Cutting the Cord.

We’ve talked about this for years now—getting rid of cable and moving to streaming TV and shows instead.  We already watch the heck out of Prime Video and Netflix and occasionally pay for Hulu when there’s a Hulu original movie or show we want to watch.  But when our Comcast cable bill arrived mid January and it had gone up, again, by a lot, again, we committed to cutting the cord, but for real this time! So we did.  Just like that, Derek called Verizon for a new internet connection and then called Comcast to cancel our service.  We purchased a few Roku streaming sticks ($39.99 each) with voice remote for our two Smart TVs that apparently aren’t smart enough and then upgraded our Hulu subscription ($39/monthly) to include live steaming TV.  And with that, we’re all in at about $140/month.  That’s over $100 cheaper than Comcast.  We’ll eventually add a HBO Go subscription when GOT starts streaming again, but even with that added subscription, we’re still set to save a lot of money.  And it felt so good to flip Comcast the bird. #suckitcomcast I’ll write more about this in another blog because I think it deserves it’s own Mischief Managed episode.  Stay tuned.

Puppy Love.

These not-so-much-puppies-anymore bring pure joy to my days.  Why doesn’t everyone have a dog?  How are some people not dog people?  It baffles my mind and amazes me that there are actually people that aren’t dog people.  Cat people count though.  Cat people get it too.  It’s the same emotion—-this domestic being that gives unconditional love and has it’s own personality that you get to observe, enjoy, and embrace. It’s magical. It’s like they were put on earth only to bring happiness to humans. These perfectly innocent and child-like creatures with a sole purpose of bringing joy to humans. Thanks, God. Because these two bring me joy every day.  Every. Single. Day.

Shoes.

Don’t shoes bring happiness to everyone?  Can I get an amen?  I love shoes.  We bought these Toms for Lela for Christmas and I wish I would have wrapped them up for me instead.  She likes them though, so I can only borrow.  Thankfully, we’re the same size.  #gratitude

Woody’s Fantasy Happy Hour.

We’ve gotten a lot of inclement weather here in the northeast…technically, Maryland is considered a southern state being south of the Mason-Dixon Line, but I think most Marylanders would argue this point either way. We’re just east, OK?  Anyhow one rainy-snowy-icy, we-can’t-go-anywhere-evening, Derek and I are committed to watching some shows and having some drinks and Steve Harvey was on the TV while we’re discussing what we should watch, and I said, “You know how you’ll occasionally think about your fantasy dinner party and who would be seated around the table?” Assuming that he does of course, doesn’t everyone?  “Do your guests constantly change?  Well, Steve Harvey has been at my table for as long as I can remember.  He just seems real and relatable and of course, fun.” Derek looked at me and paused for too long.  “Wouldn’t it be better if it was more like a Happy Hour?  That way people can move around and mingle?”  “No, I said, that’s stupid.  The whole idea is it’s your one-time thing and everyone needs to be around a table so all are part of the conversation.  With a happy hour people can easily move off to a corner to have their own personal one-on-one chit-chat!”  He insisted his way would be more fun.  I was offended, and said, “Well, I’m not coming to your happy hour, even if you invite me.”   He said, “Well you’re not invited anyway, so..”  “Great,” I said, “because I wasn’t coming.”

Who’s around your fantasy dinner party table?

xoTrish