Lessons on Parenting

It’s hard being the oldest sibling.  I would imagine anyway, me being the youngest of four.  But after watching my daughter grow into the most beautiful young woman and soul, I reflect on her journey to this point in time.  She’s had to deal with new, young parents who ultimately have learned, through raising her, our firstborn, a thing or two of what not to do with her younger two siblings.  I mean don’t get me wrong, I feel like up to this point, Derek and I  have navigated, somewhat successfully, this thing called parenting.  But let me explain with a big “for instance.”  

College.  I grew up with a very large extended family.  To my knowledge, I was the first of the 30+ cousins to graduate from a four-year college.  For both Derek and I, going away to college was a big deal.  And truth be told, it really did help to prepare us for grown-up life.  I’m convinced that since I really didn’t have a good network when I was 25, it was my college degree that got my foot in the door in the few places I’ve worked throughout my career.

And so, as we raised Emily, a four-year college was a no-brainer.  Of course, she was college bound.

Then, as Emily grows, we hear all the ramblings of how unaffordable a college education has become.  How the ROI doesn’t make sense.  You spend $100K-$200K on tuition and your child graduates with a degree and no job.  Or they get a job but it isn’t a real living wage.  Or they graduate but without any of the necessary skills needed so they basically end up over-educated, underqualified, and unemployed.  

Still, we pressed forward; a four-year college was not optional.  Emily was going to have the same great experiences Derek and I had and it would be fine.  Emily is very smart —a reader and writer early on.  I think, for her, one of the best things of having a drivers license and car of her own, is the freedom it provides to travel to any of the many libraries in our surrounding counties.  Seriously.  Her favorite public library is in another county and she frequently travels there.  Emily is also liberal and doesn’t easily conform to the norms of society and asks good “but why?” questions.  So attending a college where she could build on her craft of writing and not be forced to take math and science courses was definitely in her wheelhouse.  Emerson College in Boston was her dream school.  Tuition, room, and board was a jaw-dropping $56K.

With all her eggs in one basket, her acceptance letter arrived.  And After being wait-listed for Emerson’s honors program (free tuition), we decided to help her figure out year one.  If the honors program worked out and she applied to become an RA for her dorm in year two and beyond, it was, as I like to say, figureoutable.  

Well, none of that happened.  Without too many details, Emily ended up back home and attending community college in year two.  It was a hard time for Emily.  Honestly, it was a hard time for Derek and me.  It was very humbling for Emily to tell her friends and family that she was attending community college.    This private school graduate with classmates attending Brown, Columbia, NYU, and Harvard is back living at home and attending community college.  

This was not the plan.  This was not the dream she had for herself.  It was hard as a parent to watch her navigate this time in her life.  She had to eat the biggest piece of humble pie ever.  

However, life is amazingly brilliant.

During her time at home and going to community college she started working on a mayoral campaign in Baltimore.  It was really her first dose of a real job and the real world for little pay. She loved it and she hated it.  It was intense.  She had to fight to prove her worth and did.  She forged some strong relationships throughout that campaign.  Relationships that have and will continue to serve her well for the rest of her life. 

Now fast-forward nearly two years later and she just landed her first big-girl job working for an amazing and growing healthcare tech company whose mission is solving major real-life current-day problems.  As a marketing assistant, with a new Mac book pro, in an office with a chair swinging from the ceiling and an office mascot canine named Penny, I’m wondering when’s take-your-mom-to-work day?

Many of Emily’s high school classmates will be graduating with their four-year degrees later this spring and fall.  Emily will graduate with her Associates degree in mass communication from our local community college on May, 17th.

Being a parent is a tough job and we have our own lessons to learn along the way whilst nurturing these perfect little humans we bring into the world.  And I’ve learned that a four-year college isn’t always the way forward.  Sometimes life has a way of showing you that unconventional is the way forward.  I would wager that throughout her 4-year post-high school journey, Emily has learned more about herself, people, corporate America, and the world in general than many of her private school classmates.  Yep, she has loads more to learn and vows to continue towards her bachelors, and I pray that she does...but it feels good to watch her from over here.  She’s all over there making things happen for herself.  She’s like my own personal Truman Show.  

And it’s the best show.

thanks for reading.  now tell all your friends.